An immeasurable gift
I was invited to a lady’s luncheon and I loved the ladies that would be there and the interaction with them but on this day there was an uncomfortable feeling in the air. I could not make it out.
When I locked the house to leave, I noticed George and Rosie standing next to each other, looking at me as if they would say: “When are you leaving, we plan to romp and roam the way we like.”
Hmmh, there eyes were full of love and they paid attention to each of my movement. I blew them a kiss and went on my way.
I met a lady friend of mine and we changed into her car and drove to the luncheon which was a feast and a joy. There was a pool and the offer was extended that we could indeed have a splash if we wanted. I wanted to but something held me back.
Later, we walked around the garden and I ended up sitting in a hammock overlooking the property from the back of the garden. Swinging in that hammock, I was drifting off into my own world as a thought caught my attention: “If George is no more, I only need a little property for Rosie and myself.”
Just as the thought was thought, a torrent of energy rising from the bottom went through my whole body and within me I screamed NO. My heart was pumping and I was felt flustered. Uhh, that felt very strange, I thought and noticed a funny feeling hanging around.
I slowly made my way back to the others in the patio when I noticed that my phone rang. I answered and my neighbour was on the phone, telling me that I need to come home immediately as George had injured himself badly and was bleeding massively. And there it was … that aweful feeling just became reality.
I was about 2 hours away from home, so she suggested that she calls her vet to have a look at him. I agreed and started to make arrangements to leave. My friend insisted that she would drive me as she felt I was in no way to drive myself.
My neighbour called again to tell me that her vet can not come out and that her husband and her daughter have now caught George and her husband was trying to stop the bleeding.
I called the vet I had out for Rosie over a year ago when I still lived on another property. He never met George but he agreed to find the property and see what he can do.
Many emotions were running through me while we were on our way home. George had only people around him, he did not really know. So I rang my daughter as she could be there earlier than me.
I braced myself when I walked on the property. There was George in the middle of many people. As they noticed me coming up, they parted. The first thing I noticed was Rosie, the miniature pony standing right next to George. She was emanating a radiant glow much like a huge sun and the air was filled with love. She appeared to be bigger than anything else. She stood there for George, steadfast, a radiant being.
George looked drained but he still was on high on adrenalin. He injured his right front foot, cutting through the vein and had taken his heel bulb off almost a 100%. He had hit his head on a post as well and had an injury to the head. The vet said that even he sedated him as much as he possibly could, George still had the might to lift his right back leg and kick him while he was trying to stitch up his foot. He managed to somehow stitch up the vein and put some stitches into the heel bulb trying to bring it back to place. He said that he pretty much has lost as much blood as he could have done to still be alive. “You could have easily come home to a dead horse if your neighbours would not have found him in time” he said.
By the time I had arrived, the vet just finished putting the bandages on. I was so glad because I could have become a casualty as well by fainting.
The vet as well as the neighbours gradually left. It was towards the evening as I noticed George’s energy going duller and duller. Just weeks before I started to give him the “Schuessler Mineral Salts” and I went to get them. I noticed that I am running low, so I thought I organise new ones before I am alone with my horses on the property. The lady who sells them was on her way home, so she said she will drop in and bring them. She is also a Bowen therapist and when she came, she mixed up different batches for George and surringed them into him. She too was concerned as she felt that he was at a critical point.
I felt completely useless at this point. I felt scared, afraid of loosing him, felt guilty and my emotions ran the show and me.
I remember an interesting thing happening. One part of me was completely tired, dead tired. The other part was clear and knew exactly what to do, was able to accurately read George’s energy fluctuations and making decisions at every given moment. Then there was the fear of losing George. The next part of me was concerned about being a host, I had my friend there, her daughter and my daughter and I thought about what I could possibly feed them, the other part was scared to be alone this next night. All these parts were there at the same time and I was acutely aware of them. I shifted between them from one second to another.
Rosie, in the meantime stayed close to George, just being this beautiful ray of sunshine for him. I had to look at her and admire her for her calmness, softness and unbelievable strength she demonstrated.
George started to shiver, more and more and this in the middle of an Australian summer. Clearly he started to feel his blood loss. So I put an old woolen rug on him together with a normal rug on top. The blood was sipping slowly but surely through his bandage and this worried me enormously.
It was around 10pm when it seemed that George had gone through the worst and he accepted a little food. After that he started to lay down. Rosie gave his a whinny and walked off outside the shelter and laid down all of a sudden completely exhausted.
My friend offered to stay with me this night and I was so grateful for that. I checked on George again who still was laying down, talked to him for a while and then said good night to him.
Reluctantly I went to bed this night.
(In hindsight, I received a beautiful gift this very day. I realised and deeply felt how wonderfully perfect everything was orchestrated. The neighbours who sensed and listened to their gut feeling to go and check out a strange noise they heard. Their springing into action for the love of the horses just at the right time and with the right measure. The vet who has never seen George swiftly responding to my call. My daughter leaving everything behind. My friend helping me stablising by driving me back and just be there, emanating a sure footed and safe energy. Her daughter joining us and bringing her energy of well being with her. The lady with the Schuessler salts deciding she will bring me the minerals and do her very best to help George. Rosie who showed such strength and sunshine to stand with George – everything was just there for me. It made by heart fill with warmth and gratefulness.)
The healing begins
Early Monday morning George was on his legs. The shelter was full of blood though and the bandage was completely soaked in blood. He accepted food though and that made me hopeful. The vet came again and checked him. He gave him an injection of antibiotics and another one for pain. He said that he was reluctant to change his bandage so very soon given the nature of his massive injury. He said that the bandage actually is part of the structure to hold things in place for it to start to heal. He also remembered the fight George put up when he stitched him up and was expecting another fight for the change of the bandage. So he suggested we leave the bandage for 5 days before we do the first change.
He instructed me on how to inject the antibiotics and left me with the medication. He said he will come back tomorrow to check on him again.
Another friend of mine who was familiar with horses offered me to stay with me this coming night. I felt relieved to have somebody around me, helping me to ease my mind.
George was limping very badly but other than that he seemed reaonable fine given the circumstances. I hoped the worst was over.
On Tuesday the vet came again. He noticed that George had a higher temperature and a higher pulse rate. He took the task off me to inject him with the antibiotics, thank God, as I had never put a needle into something before and the sheer thought made me feel like running. He also gave him another pain killer. I said to the vet if we might need to change the bandage because I saw George ripping on it quite aggressively during the day but he said that he never had any horse yet being able to take the bandage off and explained to me that underneath the white bandage is another blue one.
He left and said to me that he will come back tomorrow if I feel George would need another check up.
By the evening George had ripped the bandage into pieces. It was loosely hanging off his foot, aggravating the wound with every movement. He vet had to come back and put a new bandage on him which was not an easy task.
Later that night I heard funny noises coming from outside. It was George walking around hastily and calling out in a way I never heard before. It sounded like he was in pain. He hadn’t eaten his dinner and he was kicking his belly. He moved erratically and limped like mad. I have heard that this could be colic. What to do? All of a sudden he decided to lay down. You should walk a horse that has colic, I heard in my mind but he was so injured … what to do? While my mind was weighing up my options, I felt a complete calm coming over me for the first time since the accident. I stood next to him and I completely accepted the situation and what the outcome could be. I talked to George calmly, expressed my love for him and told him that he is free to decide which outcome he wants to choose I will be there with him every step of the way. I told him that I would be very sad if he decided to leave but if this is what he wants, I will accept this graciously. I then proceeded to breathe deeply and calmly. He matched my deep breathing and relaxed and within 2 minutes he farted heavily and stood up and was fine. It was so hilarious, I had to laugh out loud.
The next day the vet came again. George did not eat anymore and the vet said that it looks like he has developed ulcers. He wanted to give him another injection but I refused as I felt that all the drugs were causing the ulcers. The vet agreed and said that this could certainly be the case. So I needed to find a more natural solution to deal with this. The vet was very supportive and he said that he feels that I have such a good intuitive feel for where George is at. He offered me that I could call him any time night or day and tell him what I feel is happening and he would support me with his knowledge and practical applications but he would be happy to be guided by my intuition. I was so happy to have somebody at my side who considered my input and was willing to work with it.
So, I made up balls of Slippery Elm, rolled oats, Schuessler Salts and pushed it into George’s mouth every hour. At the beginning he was not fighting it too much but this changed soon.
Thursday came and his appetite did not pick up. He was hungry, he sniffed on food but left it alone. I knew I had to find something that he would eat soon otherwise I would have another problem on my hands. The vet suggested to try anything and everything, he needs to get something into his stomach. And to make it worse, George again had ripped on his bandage again and by Thursday night, it was off again. The vet had to come back to fit another new bandage.
On Friday the horse looked like a skeleton. He started to accept a handful of chaff and then turned his head again. I tried every grass I found on the property but he did not take it. No carrots, no apples, no pears, no oats, nothing that he normally loves to eat. Then I had the intuition to try another variety of grass outside the property, the spindly grass that originally came from South Africa. I took my scissors and cut some for him. He accepted a little, chewed it and then came looking for more. The rest of the day I was cutting grass with my scissors and offering it to him. Eventually he took more and more of it. God, was I happy, I would do this all day for him as long as he is just eating.
He managed to get that bandage off and this time within one single day. The vet had left me bandages for just in case, so friends of mine helped me to put a new one on.
Saturday came, George was still mostly only eating that particular grass which I needed to hand cut and he took the bandage off again. This time my daughter helped me washing his wound and put a bandage back on. Not an easy task I might say.
A tough decision
On Sunday, one week after his accident he started to take a little bit of other food too and for the first time I did not have to inject the antibiotics. His neck was swollen and was breaking out in bulges wherever there had been a needle even though I always used a new syringe. He was so very sensitive to conventional drugs. But now we were finished and I hoped the boils could heal now. He again had ripped on his bandage and by now I resorted to put duct tape over the bandage to make it last a bit longer.
When I went outside late at night to check on him and rug him over night as he still shivered when the sun was down for a couple of hours even though it was summer. As I put the rug on him I noticed that the bandage was pretty much off again, the rest of it rubbing on his wound.
I was desperate and it felt that I can not win this battle. So I had a heart to heart talk to George and he conveyed to me that he did not want a bandage. I knew I could not do a proper job all by myself and with no proper light at midnight. So I said to George that I will go and get the scissors and take that bandage off completely. I told him that it would be his responsibility to look after the wound and take care that he does not disturb it otherwise everything will just open and then he might just bleed to death. He seemed to agree, so I cut the bandage off. I went into the house and sat down on the couch with the intention to check on him again in one hour and if needed to take action then.
I woke up at 5.30am, terrified, bracing myself to face the worst. I found George, he had walked off a little further than before and his wound was just brilliant. No dirt in it and all still in place. And he was asking for food. Oh what a joy!
During the day I had the idea that I could make a paste out of green clay, honey, and some lavender and use a paint brush and just simply paint the paste over the wound to a) cover it and b) help the healing.
My vet came too this day to check on him and he found the idea brilliant. He said to wash the wound once a day and also maybe start to put copper sulfate or / and lime on it to help with the wild flesh.
Emotions running the show
On these days I went through all sorts of emotional roller coasters. There was a time where I threaded to go out in the morning to feed the horses, constantly expecting to find something terrible. At times I did not want to see George as I so wanted to see him better but felt that there was something else lurking just around the corner. I had to accept that it will take as long as it takes and once I had done that I was feeling better.
I also would sometimes just stand next to him, having a conversation on an energetic level. He responded quite strongly and it was several times during this intense period of time that he said to me: “I am alive, I am here now, NOW, NOW. The past is gone, why do you want to think of it? The future has not happened, no use to think about it. All that counts is NOW and NOW and NOW again. I am fine, my foot is not too bad, I will have to do my own bit to heal it, but I take it a second at a time, the time is NOW, NOW, NOW. Nothing else exists right now.”
Another two days had passed and I felt enthusiastic as everything seemed to go well now. But the next thing was already waiting. George developed temperature and pus in his injured foot. The vet highly suggested another round of antibiotics, this time to be given orally.
George hated to be given things into his mouth by now and it got worse and worse. A horsey friend came and she tried to put it into this mouth with no success. He was a menace. I just do not like to force anything, I am always wanting connection and cooperation. After she left, I decided that no matter how long it would take, I will be with him until he accepts the antibiotics in a graceful manner.
He showed me what I was made of. He triggered all the emotions you could possibly have from fear to frustration to anger to desperation to feeling utterly useless and helpless. Until I decided to once more to practise what I preach: “Become still, become grounded, stay within yourself and know that somehow it will happen.”
So I stood there with the syringe in one hand, the lead rope in the other. Just pointing the syringe towards him would make him move. He ran around me, yes, ran. Wow, I was so afraid that he would injure that foot again but had to let that go and be his responsibility. I was just standing there, breathing deeply, handing that lead rope over my head from one hand to the other and be within myself. He suddenly stopped.
I asked him to come in which he did but when I tried to put the syringe in his mouth, he ran again. Oh my God, I took another deep breath and decided that I will stay there not matter how long it will take me. This time he stopped earlier.
I asked him again to come to me and this time I was able to stick the syringe into his mouth a little before he took off again but in a much slower pace.
It almost felt he wanted to test me if I am really truly within myself and sovereign, without force or wanting and clear. By now I was truly fully in the moment, fully accepting of the situation and completely clear and free of any emotions. He stopped and I could put that sringe into his mouth almost like it is the easiest thing to do.
Wow, another big lesson of life taught and made practised by a horse.
Hang in there by being there
No bandage and improvement in food intake made me feel much better. Still I was feeding him four times a day and rug him at night plus taking care of his wounds.
The stitches that the vet had put into the heel bulb were giving way and the whole heel bulb started to come off. There was only about a piece of 1cm on the bottom that kept the bulb attached to the foot. The itching had started and George was irritated by the flapping heal bulb. The vet hoped that he would take it off all by himself. As this not happened, the vet suggested that he would cut it off in one swift action with the scalpel.
It took two tries but then the bulb was off and George started to bleed again. I pointed it out to the vet and he laughed and said that was nothing. I felt a weakness coming on as I watched a puddle of blood building up on the soil and sat down. As I almost went out of my body, my girl, Rosie, gave me a quick nip on my arm, bringing my instantly back into my body and having me breaking out in laughter.
Both horses want me present in the now, in my body and my socks and happy! There are no better personal trainers in the world!
The vet revealed to me that he now felt sure that George would survive, just over three weeks after the accident, he did not want to mention his doubts before. I was enormously grateful to him that he did not. My mind with all its doubts and fears had been quite firmly in charge of my emotions in these last 3 weeks, God knows what I would have done if I had this information from the vet before.
During this period I had to put a rug on George over night. This meant that I had to go out and find him at around 11pm. I often would then hang out with him, communicating through my feelings with him. One of the most wonderful experiences I had was when it was full moon. I would find George at a spot where he had shelter but at the same time full exposure to the moon. When I approached him, his body looked like it was made out of silver, so glossy, so shiny and he just stood there, facing the moon, moon bathing. I joined him, stood right next to him and moon bathed with him for half an hour. It was magical. If you haven’t done this with your horse, go out and do it, it will be something you will never forget!
George recovered amazingly well over the course of the next couple of months and is doing fine now.
His accident and my journey with him through this period of time has brought me even further home to myself. He gave me the opportunity to practise presence over and over again. What a priceless gift he has given me!